I’ve always wanted to tell my addict narcissistic mother how much she ruined me as a human. I want to tell her I despise her for not aborting me like she did the 2 before me, I want to tell her I hate that she continued to have kids that she had no intention of raising- then left me to raise them. I want to tell her it’s her fault I don’t want kids, cause I raised all of hers. I want to tell her she messed up any chance of my sister’s and I having a real sister relationship cause I had to be their mom. I want to tell her it’s her fault I have anxiety from days on end of worrying about whether CPS was going to come take us as she had stayed gone for days. I want to tell her I hate her for the fact that when we were finally taken by CPS, I blamed myself because although I was only 7 I promised my sister’s I would always protect them.
I want to tell her I hate her for not helping me pay for my beloved Nana’s funeral and making me cash out all of my 401k at age 24 to pay for it. I want to tell her I hate her for not only being a terrible mom but also choosing me a terrible dad. I want to tell her I hate her for picking favorites and even as I took care of her and her children she greeted me with nothing but contempt. I want to tell her I despise her for never even saying thank you for giving up my whole childhood and my 20’s to her children to only be met with their ungrateful and selfish behavior. I want to tell her it’s all her fault I have 0 self-esteem and self worth but mostly I want to tell her I hate her from the depths of my soul for making me feel that I was unlovable….